Penance
by Halabehar
Summary: The conversation Castiel and Dean really had after Castiel returned from Purgatory.


"It s not about fault, it s about penance. I wasn t ready to get out, I need to stay."

Castiel s words kept resonating in his head. Dean didn t know what to make of those words. Part of him was so happy and relieved that Castiel was back that he wanted to forget all about the past year, purgatory and how Castiel had abandoned him.  
Abandoned him. All along he d thought he d failed him and God knows how the past few months had felt even worse than hell, but as it turned out, it was

Castiel who had left him. It was him who had let of his hand when he needed him the most.  
And Dean had no idea what to hink, what to feel. Castiel had chosen Purgatory over him and Sam hadn t even looked for him while he was gone. What was he supposed to keep fighting for if every person he loved left him?

But no, he thought. This time he wouldn t be the same. He wouldn t keep his head down and take whatever came his way without standing up for himself. This time he d face Cas and tell him what he thought of his stupid freaking choices.

"Cas!" Dean screamed. "Castiel, damnit. Now!"

Not two seconds later, Castiel was standing in front of him.

"What is happening Dean? Is everything alright?"

"Screw you! That s what s happening."

Wasn t the exact response Castiel was expecting, that sfor sure.

"Excuse me?" asked Castiel.

"You heard me alright. Screw you and your stupid penance."

"Dean... we discussed this..."

"The hell we did. You talked and I didn t get to say a damn thing. Well lemme tell you what I think. If you really cared the slightest bit about me,you d have held my hand all the way, and come with me. Not make me think you were dead for months and then say it was because you were freaking praying."

"Dean..."

"Shut up Cas. Shut up. You went through enough. We all made a lot of mistakes, I know I did. But I d have pulled you through. I could have helped you. You talk all high now because you chose to stay? What does that make me then? Well, guess what. Of all the things you ve done to me this takes the freaking pie. You should ve been there for me. I was there for you, don t you get it?"

"Dean... you need to understand..."

"Don t give me that. You really think you made the right choice back there?"

"Well... I do Dean. I told you. After what I did, I couldn t possibly..."

"What? Go back to Heaven? Face God?"

"Face you, Dean. You. It s always been you all along. I did this for you. To try to be a better man so that I could at least look you in the eye without wanting to die for all the things I did and said to you. I know it hasn t been easy, but I really did this for you."

"Cas... I don t know. Even if you say that, you still should ve come with me. We would ve taken care of those problems together. You didn t need to be alone."

"But I wasn t alone Dean. You never left me. I felt you close every single day I was there. And I fought, fought hard to get out of there, for you. So I could see you again."

Dean closed his eyes. What Castiel was telling him made sense, but he didn t know if he wanted to listen...

"Right, so when you leave again you ll say it s for my own good too? I don t buy it."

"I won t, Dean. Cause I m not leaving here anymore. I already paid for my sins. I made amends. And though there is probably no prayer in the world that would have got me out of purgatory, you did Dean. I m here because you never gave up on me. On us."

Dean wanted to believe. He wanted to believe every single word and just cherish the fact that it was really Castiel who was standing in front of him and that it wasn t another dream.

"I d like to kiss you now, Dean."

Dean s eyes popped open. Now he really didn t know whether what was happening was real or if it really was "another" of his dreams.

"Cas... you don t need to... I mean, if you re doing this to apologise..."

"Apologise? I ve already apologised. Now I d just like to kiss you, if that s alright with you..."

Dean laughed.

"You know you re not really supposed to ask permission for this kind of thing right?"

"Right. Sorry. But... can I?"

They both smiled. It really had been a long time since they d done that genuinely.

"Come here you big idiot." said Dean grabbing Castiel by the collar and pulling him close. "Now, what were you saying you wanted to do?"

Castiel grinned and gently put his lips on Dean s mouth, who kissed him back furiously.

"You re gonna need to be doing a lot more penance after this, you aware of that right?" said Dean.

"We ll have to make this one memorable then."

THE END :) 


End file.
